A Guide for When it Matters Most

When someone you care about is struggling, it can be hard to know what to say or do.

Many people fear saying the wrong thing but often, what matters most isn’t perfect words — it’s presence, compassion and a willingness to listen.

This guide will help you understand what emotional support truly looks like and how you can offer it when it’s needed most.

1. Start With Genuine Presence

Emotional support begins with showing up.

Being present, physically or emotionally, communicates, “You’re not alone.”

Try:

• Putting away distractions and giving your full attention to a conversation.
• Offering a calm, reassuring presence. Offer to sit down, get comfortable and talk openly.
• Listen more than you talk. Ask open ended questions like, “How are you” or “What do you think of the weather today”, to get the conversation started.

Being present and listening to someone is often more powerful than any advice you give.

2. Listen Actively and Without Judgment

People need space to express their feelings without fear of being dismissed or criticised.

Practice active listening by:

• Allowing them to talk at their own pace.
• Reflecting back what you hear, “It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed.”, “Do you have these thoughts/feelings often?”
• Avoiding interruptions or attempts to “fix” the problem right away.

When someone feels heard, they feel valued.

3. Validate Their Feelings

Validation helps others feel understood and supported. It doesn’t require you to agree with their perspective — only to acknowledge it.

Examples of validating statements:

• “That sounds really difficult.”
• “Given what you’re dealing with, it makes sense you’d feel this way.”
• “I can see why this would be upsetting.”

Avoid minimising feelings with statements like (“You’re overreacting,” “It could be worse,” “Just be positive!”).

4. Ask What They Need

Assumptions can create frustration. Instead, support the conversation along by asking what kind of help they want right now.

You might ask:

• “Would you like advice, or do you just want to vent?”
• “How can I be here for you today?”
• “Is there something specific you need?”

Empowering someone to name their needs helps them feel more in control during difficult times.

5. Respect Their Boundaries

Sometimes the most supportive thing you can do is give space. Respect when someone needs time to themselves or isn’t ready to talk.

Remember:

• Boundaries are not rejections.
• Pushing for conversation can create pressure, not comfort.
• Let them know you’re available whenever they’re ready.

Healthy boundaries strengthen trust.

6. Offer Practical Help When Appropriate

Emotional support sometimes includes easing daily burdens.

You could offer:

• Help with errands or meals
• A ride to appointments
• Assistance with scheduling or paperwork
• Taking a walk together

Concrete support can reduce stress and help someone focus on meeting their needs.

7. Avoid Toxic Positivity

Well-meant but overly simplistic reassurance can make people feel misunderstood.

Instead of:

• “Just stay positive!”
• “Everything happens for a reason.”
• “It’s not that bad.”

Try:

• “This is really tough and I’m here with you.”
• “Your feelings make sense.”
• “You don’t have to pretend you’re okay.”

Support isn’t about boosting mood — it’s about honoring truth.

8. Encourage Professional Support When Needed

Emotional support is valuable but it’s not a substitute for appropriate mental health care.

Gently encourage professional help if you notice:

• Persistent hopelessness
• Sudden withdrawal
• Trouble performing daily tasks
• Expressions of self-harm or suicidal thoughts

You might say:

“You deserve support from someone trained to help with this. I can help you find a therapist if you’d like.”

If someone is in immediate danger, contact emergency services right away.

9. Take Care of Yourself, Too

Supporting someone emotionally can be draining. It’s essential to protect your own wellbeing.

Try:

• Setting your own boundaries
• Taking time to rest and recharge
• Reaching out for support for yourself
• Remembering it’s okay not to have all the answers

You can’t pour from an empty cup.

10. Show Long-Term Support

Healing isn’t linear. People often need support weeks or months after a crisis.

You can show ongoing care through:

• Follow-up messages
• Remembering important dates
• Checking in after stressful events
• Consistent, gentle presence

Small acts of kindness add up — and they matter.

Final Thoughts

Emotional support is about connection, not perfection. You don’t need special training to be there for someone — you only need empathy, patience and a willingness to listen.

When you show up with compassion, you help create a world where people feel seen, heard and cared for.

If you or someone you know is struggling, reaching out for help is a sign of strength. No one has to face difficult moments alone.

Immediate Support & Resources

In an emergency, call 999.

If you or someone else is experiencing a mental health crisis, visit our Urgent Help page to find the right help at the right time.

For coping strategies and additional resources, visit the Resource Hub.

Find ways on How to Talk About Suicidal Thoughts.

Find out How to Support Someone Who is Having Suicidal Thoughts.