How to Support Someone Who is Having Suicidal Thoughts

It can be incredibly distressing and overwhelming to learn that someone you care about is having thoughts of suicide.

You might feel a mix of fear, confusion, and helplessness. However, your support can make a profound difference. This article provides a template for how to approach and support someone “feeling suicidal” or “having suicidal thoughts”.

Understanding the Situation: What You Need to Know

• Suicidal thoughts are a sign of intense pain, not a weakness: People experiencing suicidal thoughts are often overwhelmed by their circumstances and may feel there’s no other way out from the pain they’re in.
• Talking about suicide does NOT plant the idea: In fact, open and non-judgmental communication can be a crucial first step towards help and navigating a way forward with them.
• You don’t need to be a Professional Therapist: Your role is to be supportive, listen and help connect them with professional help. Our Urgent Help guide can be used to find the right help at the right time.
• Take all threats seriously. Never dismiss or minimise someone’s expressions of suicidal or high risk-tasking behaviour.

Immediate Steps: What to Do Right Now

1. Stay Calm (as much as possible): Your calm demeanour can help ground the person. Take a deep breath.
2. Ensure Safety:
   • If there is immediate danger (e.g., they have a plan and means): Do not leave them alone. Call 999 or take them straight to A&E. Remove any potential means of self-harm if it’s safe to do so.
   • If there is no immediate danger, but they are expressing suicidal thoughts: Proceed to the next steps while remaining vigilant.
3. Initiate a Conversation: Find a private, quiet place to talk. If you know the person, talk to them as you usually would, keeping in mind you are here to support them.

How to Talk to Someone About Suicidal Thoughts

Be Direct, but Gentle:

• “I’ve noticed you seem really down lately, and I’m worried about you. Are you having thoughts of ending your life?”
• “It sounds like you’re going through a lot. Are you thinking about suicide?”

Listen Actively and Non-Judgmentally:

• Let them speak without interruption.
• Validate their feelings: “That sounds incredibly painful,” or “I can see why you feel that way.”
• Avoid sayings like “Look on the bright side” or “It’ll get better.”
• Show empathy: “I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for you, but I want you to know I’m here.”

Express Care and Concern:

• “I care about you and I want to help the best I can.”
• “You’re important to me and I want you to be safe.”

Offer Hope (Gently):

• “Even though things are overwhelming right now, there is help available and things can get better and change.”
• “You don’t have to go through this alone.”

Focus on Solutions and Support:

• “What do you think would help right now?”
• “Let’s figure out a plan together.”
• “Shall we speak to a health professional and see what they have to say?”

Connecting Them with Professional Help

This is a critical step. You are not expected to solve their problems but to help them remain safe in the moment and line up professional help to happen afterwards.

Encourage Professional Help:

• “It sounds like you’re carrying a heavy burden. A professional can offer tools and support to help you through this.”
• “Would you be willing to talk to a doctor, therapist, or a crisis hotline?”

Offer to Help Them Make Connection With a Professional:

• “Can I help you find mental health support in our area?”
• “Would you like me to sit with you while you call a crisis helpline?”
• “I can go with you to your doctor’s appointment if that would help.”

Know Your Local and National Support Services:

• In an emergency, Call 999 or take them straight to the nearest A&E department.
• Call a Crisis Hotline:
  • Samaritans: Call 116 123 (Free, 24/7, Nationwide)
  • Papyrus HOPELINE247 (for under 35s): Call 0800 068 41 41 | Text 88247 | Email pat@papyrus-uk.org (Free, 24/7, Nationwide)
  • CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably – for men): Call 0800 58 58 58 (5pm-midnight, 365 days a year, Nationwide)
  • SHOUT: Text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258 (Free, 24/7, Nationwide)
• Your Local NHS Mental Health Services: Search online for “NHS mental health services (in your local area)” for local crisis teams and support.
• Set up a conversation with us: We can help you on the journey of accessing support and improving your overall wellbeing. We are local to Kent & Medway. You can contact us to arrange to speak to one of our trained volunteers within 24-hours, 365 days a year.
• Mind (UK Mental Health Charity): Provides information and support on mental health problems.
• Conversing Care Resource Hub: We provide basic mental health resources and coping strategies online anyone can use to better their wellbeing.

What to Do After the Initial Conversation

• Follow Up: Arrange and stick to talking to them again. A simple text or call can show you still care.
• Encourage Self-Care: Remind them of healthy coping strategies. Remember the basics of sleep, nutrition, exercise, hobbies.
• Maintain Boundaries: While you want to be supportive, it’s important not to become their sole source of support. Encourage them to rely on professionals and other supportive relationships.
• Seek Support for Yourself: Supporting someone with suicidal thoughts can be emotionally taxing, specially over time. Make sure you have someone you can communicate your concerns too.
  • Talk to a trusted friend or family member.
  • Consider speaking with a therapist or counsellor yourself.
  • Remember, you cannot pour from an empty cup.

Warning Signs to Watch For

While direct communication is key, be aware of these potential warning signs that someone may be contemplating suicide:

• Talking about wanting to die or kill themselves.
• Looking for ways to kill themselves (searching online, buying a weapon or ways to hurt themselves).
• Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live.
• Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain.
• Talking about being a burden to others.
• Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs.
• Acting anxious, agitated, or reckless.
• Sleeping too little or too much.
• Withdrawing or feeling isolated.
• Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge.
• Displaying extreme mood swings.
• Giving away prized possessions.
• Saying goodbye to friends and family.

Remember: You Are Not Alone

Supporting someone who is having suicidal thoughts is a challenging but crucial act of compassion.

In an average life time, we will have to support 2 people experiencing a mental health emergency.

By offering your presence, listening and connecting them with professional help, you can play a vital role in their journey towards healing and recovery.

Don’t hesitate to reach out for support for yourself as well.