It can be incredibly distressing and overwhelming to learn that someone you care about is having thoughts of suicide.
You might feel a mix of fear, confusion, and helplessness. However, your support can make a profound difference.
This page provides a template for how to approach and support someone “feeling suicidal” or “having suicidal thoughts”.
Understanding the Situation: What You Need to Know
- Suicidal thoughts are a sign of intense pain, not a weakness: People experiencing suicidal thoughts are often overwhelmed by their circumstances and may feel there’s no other way out from the pain they’re in.
- Talking about suicide does NOT plant the idea: In fact, open and non-judgmental communication can be a crucial first step towards help and navigating a way forward with them.
- You don’t need to be a Professional Therapist: Your role is to be supportive, listen and help connect them with professional help. Our Urgent Help guide can be used to find the right help at the right time.
- Take all threats seriously. Never dismiss or minimise someone’s expressions of suicidal or high risk-tasking behaviour.
✋ Are you struggling right now?
If you or someone else is feeling unsafe or experiencing suicidal thinking, please visit the Urgent Help page now to find what actions you need to take.
Immediate Steps: What To Do Right Now
- Stay Calm (as much as possible): Your calm demeanour can help ground the person. Take a deep breath.
- Ensure Safety:
- If there is immediate danger (they have a plan and the means): Do not leave them alone. Call 999 or take them straight to A&E. Remove any potential means of self-harm if it’s safe to do so.
- If there is no immediate danger but they are expressing suicidal thoughts: Proceed to the next steps while remaining vigilant.
- Initiate a Conversation: Find a private, quiet space to talk. If you know the person, talk to them as you usually would, keeping in mind you are here to support them.
How to Talk to Someone About Their Suicidal Thoughts
There is no easy way around this. If you have genuine concerns around someone’s safety, you need to have the difficult conversation with them.
Here are some examples to get you started. Remember, be yourself.
Be Direct but Gentle
- “I’ve noticed you seem really down lately and I’m worried about you. Are you having thoughts of ending your life?”
- “It sounds like you’re going through a lot. Have you been thinking of suicide?”
Listen Actively and Non-Judgmentally
- Let them speak without interruption.
- Validate their feelings: “That sounds incredibly painful,” or “I can see why you feel that way.”
- Avoid sayings, like “Look on the bright side” or “It will all get better.”
- Show empathy: “I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for you but I want you to know I’m here.”
Express Care and Concern
- “I care about you and I want to help the best I can.”
- “You’re important to me and I want you to be safe.”
Offer Hope (Gently)
- “Even though things are overwhelming right now, there is help available and things can get better and change.”
- “You don’t have to go through this alone.”
Focus on Solutions and Support
- “What do you think would help right now?”
- “Let’s figure out a plan together.”
- “Shall we speak to a health professional and see what they have to say?”
Connect Them with Professional Help
This is critical. You are not expected to solve their problems but to help them remain safe in the moment and line them up with professional help.
Encourage Professional Help
- “It sounds like you’re carrying a heavy burden. A professional can offer tools and support to help you through this.”
- “Would you be willing to talk to a doctor, therapist or crisis team?”
Offer to Help Them Make Connection With a Professional
- “Can I help you find mental health support in the area?”
- “Would you like me to sit with you while you call crisis team?”
- “I can go with you to your doctor’s appointment if that would help.”
Know Your Local and National Support Services
In an emergency, Call 999 or take them straight to the nearest A&E department.
Great Google Search Terms to Find Help:
- “NHS mental health services (in your area)”
- “Local mental health support”
- “Crisis Hotline”
- “Suicide prevention”
Crisis Numbers below 👇
Mental Health Resources
📚 We provide free and open-source content to help you improve your mental health and wellbeing in a clear and structured way.
What to Do After the Initial Conversation
- Follow Up: Arrange and stick to talking to them again. A simple text or call can show you still care.
- Encourage Self-Care: Remind them of healthy coping strategies. Remember the basics of sleep, nutrition, exercise, hobbies.
- Maintain Boundaries: While you want to be supportive, it’s important not to become their sole source of support. Encourage them to rely on professionals and other supportive relationships.
- Seek Support for Yourself: Supporting someone with suicidal thoughts can be emotionally taxing, specially over time. Make sure you have someone you can communicate your concerns too.
- Talk to a trusted friend or family member.
- Consider speaking with a therapist or counsellor yourself.
- Remember, you cannot pour from an empty cup.
Warning Signs to Look Out For
While direct communication is key, be aware of these potential warning signs that someone may be contemplating suicide.
Communication Changes
- Talking about wanting to die or kill themselves.
- Talking about feeling hopeless or having no reason to live.
- Talking about feeling trapped or in unbearable pain.
- Talking about being a burden to others.
Social Interaction Changes
- Acting anxious, agitated or reckless.
- Withdrawing from social engagements or feeling isolated when with other people.
- Saying goodbye to friends, family and pets.
- Significant changes in online behaviour.
- Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge.
Physical and Behaviour Changes
- Looking for ways to harm themselves (buying a weapons or looking for ways to hurt themselves).
- Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs.
- Sleeping too little or too much.
- Displaying extreme mood swings.
- Giving away prized possessions.
Remember: You Are Not Alone
Supporting someone who is having suicidal thoughts is a challenging but crucial act of compassion.
In an average life time, we will have to support 2 people experiencing a mental health emergency.
By offering your presence, listening and connecting them with professional help, you can play a vital role in their journey towards healing and recovery.
Don’t hesitate to reach out for support for yourself. You can’t pour from an empty cup.
Immediate Support & Resources
In an emergency, call 999.
If you or someone else is experiencing a mental health crisis, visit our Urgent Help page to find the right help at the right time.
For coping strategies and additional resources, visit the Resource Hub.
Find ways on How to Talk About Suicidal Thoughts.
Find out How to Support Someone After a Suicide Attempt: A Step-by-Step Guide for Loved Ones.
NHS 111 (Select Mental Health Option)
- Call: 111 and select the mental health option (Option 2 in some areas).
- What it’s for: Urgent mental health support, advice and connection to local crisis services. This is a primary point of contact if you’re experiencing a mental health crisis but are not in immediate physical danger.
- Note: If you are deaf or have hearing loss, use NHS 111 – SignVideo or dial 18001 111 (for Textphone).
Samaritans
- Call: 116 123 (Free, 24/7)
- Email: jo@samaritans.org (Response within 24 hours)
- What it’s for: Confidential emotional support for anyone experiencing feelings of distress, despair or suicidal thoughts.
Shout Crisis Text Line
- Text: Send the word “SHOUT” to 85258 (Free, 24/7)
- What it’s for: Confidential text-based support if you’re in crisis and need immediate help.
PAPYRUS HOPELINE247
- Call: 0800 068 4141 (Free, 24/7)
- Text: 88247 (Free, 24/7)
- Email: pat@papyrus-uk.org
- What it’s for: Support for young people (under 35) struggling with suicidal feelings or anyone concerned about a young person who might be struggling.